Friday, March 13, 2015

Feminism

That title gets your attention. I read articles every day that make me want to scream, yet I stay away from the subject instead of writing. I could easily put all my effort into countering arguments about things like feminism. When I get ready to write on the matter though, all that angst and adrenaline just flatlines out and my icy pragmatism wins.

I hate feminism. I hate the opposite, too. You see, I've always viewed the world as a global prison of equally tarnished men and women, and I don't believe for a minute that either gender has won an award for the most transgressions. That's an unsolvable equation. We've all done so much damage to each other that it's rare anyone can claim to be an innocent victim anymore. The biggest problem is that nobody likes to admit their own failings.

Whether we like to believe it or not, men and women are equally violent, selfish, and when they want to be, compassionate. We're the same. We're human. And we all get away with really bad actions every day. Humans are not the most privileged or intelligent creatures on the planet. Intelligence has been measured incorrectly for centuries, and privilege has always been an illusion. And the majority isn't going to admit imperfection any time soon. It's called survival. And competition. And that's how we're coded.

Our saving grace is that most of us have enough wits to understand the minimal requirement of getting along with other human beings, and we usually choose to honor that requirement. It's called compassion, and it doesn't stray too far from pity. Those who remember how to be compassionate most of the time usually fare better than the others.. but only if they don't allow it to overshadow logic. And that leads me to the next thing I don't agree with: being too "good".

It's a fine line. There is so much going on and situations depend on so many factors that it's extremely difficult to walk that line between compassion and logic. Emotions can get in the way of what's going to keep us or our loved ones alive, and logic can destroy relationships. So what do we do?

We just feel our way around in the dark, every day, and do the best we can. It's like playing a game with your life. It's a game that never ends. Sometimes we catch a win, a lot of times we lose our turn. So the only purpose I see to any of this in the end is simply to experience. And I've decided to not participate in quarrels about which gender is doing more damage to the other. I believe it's pointless for me in particular, because it only makes me tired and angry. People are generally stubborn and we  tend to stick to our core belief systems - the ones we've designed for ourselves according to circumstances and our own experiences. It's very hard to stray away from that, regardless of the argument. Especially since deep down, we all know that no one of us is any better than the other. This stubbornness is natural, and usually keeps us alive. Arguing with someone's core, individual belief system is messing with one of the most primitive functions we possess.

When I feel the urge to argue on the subject of feminism, I think about it and and realize my efforts aren't worth the outcome. I am not a feminist. But I also don't believe it's not had its much needed victories in the past. It has, however, changed over the years. Feminism today isn't want it was in the 19th century. Nothing is what it was a year ago. Things evolve, and people do too. No one needs to keep on competing over being a bigger victim than someone else. As long as we all stay in the mind set of being miserable and victimized, we'll never figure out how to be happy. All I can agree to is to let go of all this mental destruction and only worry about something when I realize I'm in actual, imminent danger. I'm tired. I'm tired of worrying about things before they surface, and stressing over things I have no control over. 

So I'm learning to get less and less angry every time I read those articles about feminism. I'm learning to not let that into my head, allowing it to spin out of control and resurrect demons I have no interest in entertaining. It's been a hard lesson, for I do have an anger management control problem. I've had it since childhood. I may appear cold and unemotional, but I guarantee I go to great lengths to keep that fury to a minimum without repressing it. It's a daily battle. And it's worth it.